The Good Old Days

Remember the days when you could turn on the TV and the only drug ads you would see were for things like Advil and Tylenol?  Oh, how I miss those days.  Now, almost every commercial break contains an ad for the latest and greatest drug for what ails you.  Is it just me, or are they all starting to sound the same?  And could they get any longer or more descriptive?  I mean by the time they get done, I think I have what they are talking about!

-          “Do you have a rumbling stomach?  Do your eyes water?  Does your hair grow?  Then you may have X disease!  But don’t worry, because now there’s PYstasis.  Yes, PYstasis, is just for the treatment of X disease.  Talk to your doctor about X disease and if you might be a good candidate for PYstasis today!”

Oh my gosh!  Yes, yes!  I have all those things.  I must have X disease!  I had better call my doctor today!  I had better get on PYstasis right away.  Oh, but then comes my favorite part of the whole ad, the legally required WARNING:

-          “Warning, PYstasis possible side effects include: runny nose; cough; hair loss; rash, bleeding from the nose, ears, eyes, mouth, and in some rare cases death.  But talk to your doctor about the benefits as they may out way the side effects.”

I’m sorry?  What benefit of a drug out ways death?!  Hmmmm, none that come to my mind.  Oh and I have a question.  What happens if I CAN’T sit or stand for 30 minutes after taking a medication?  Will I spontaneously explode if I lay down?  What aren’t they telling us about this one??

Then, about every other break you get the ones for those law suits.  I guess these are for the “rare cases of death” they warned us about.  I really love these. 

-          “Have you or a loved one been injured or died while using a pain patch? Call us, we can help.”

Why, yes.  Thanks for this ad; I did die while using a pain patch.  I’ll call right away! 

And could we please go back to the days when the raciest commercials on TV were for “feminine products”? I mean come on.  Growing up I thought these ads were pushing the limit, but oh man the ads these days.  Especially the ones for, I’ll just call them “male products” (you know what I mean) are so over the top!  If you happen to be watching a ball game or race, they are on almost every commercial break!  Please, please at least get rid of that jingle for the one brand, I hate it when it gets stuck in my head. 

Okay, so that is where I stand.  Thank heavens for my dvr is all I can say.  Most days I can fast forward through all of this stuff.  But sometimes I am forced to see it.  Oh wait, here’s one now.  Great, now it looks like I also have something called TQstoma?  Man, I hope this drug is cheap!

End rant.