Mel’s World - Random Thoughts from a Scrambled Mind

Every now and then we can all use a good excuse to tell our boss.  I thought I would share a few I ran across.  These are reportedly actual excuses given by employees:

• I forgot to come back to work after lunch.
• A hitman was looking for me.
• I forgot what day of the week it was.
• My cat unplugged my alarm clock.

There you go.  Feel free to use these should the need arise.  But, don’t hold me accountable if they don’t work.

What’s the best excuse you’ve ever heard or given?

On the way to pick my mom up for a doctor’s appointment yesterday, I saw a strange sight.  I was behind a truck with a huge wire cage.  On the cage was a sign that read “State Alligator Catcher. Caution Live Alligators.”  On the back were all types of ropes in various sizes.  There were several rods and pipes on top of the cage and a huge wench attached to the top of the truck.  This was a serious Alligator hunting truck.  Now I did not see any Alligators in the truck bed, so I assumed “Mr. State Alligator Catcher” was on his way to a job.  Then I realized that he was going the same way that I was going, turn for turn.  This troubled me somewhat.  I was flooded with pictures of rampant Alligators throughout Jan Phyl.  But as I turned by RPC, he continued straight toward his prey and I breathed a sigh of relief.  No, it appears that Jan Phyl was Alligator free on this day.  However, somewhere down Recker Hwy, there was an Alligator about to meet his destiny with “the Man” from the state.

It’s that time of year again.  Both my favorite time of year and the part I hate the most.  It’s my favorite because it’s College Football season again.  I just love College Football.  The atmosphere of the games to me is just unmatched anywhere else.  Plus with cable and my dvr I can pretty much watch it all weekend long.  Now how cool is that.  All I can say is – Go Gators! Go Bulls! Go Buckeyes!

The worst part about this time of year is that it starts the most active part of the hurricane season.  Gustav is gone, but now we have Hanna, Ike and potentially Josephine behind that.  It’s this time of year that makes you glad you don’t live at the beach.  But after 2004 every storm even close to Florida makes me uneasy even here in Central Florida. 

I guess we just take the good with the bad and hope that the good outweighs the bad.  I know one thing; it sure increases my prayer time. 

I went on a spur of the moment road trip with some friends the other night to Inverness.  I love to go on road trips.  I always have a good time, especially when I’m with friends.  Going down the two lane roads always reminds me of when I was little traveling with my mom and dad.  I thought I would share a few of my observations from my road trip.

-          It seems like everyone has something to sell these days.  There were lots of houses for sale, but there were other things too.  I had forgotten just how many people sell things from their homes on these back roads.  I saw all kinds of signs just out by the road advertising what people had to sell at their house.  There were homemade signs like: blueberry plants for sale; fruit for sale; peanuts for sale; miniature horses for sale (and I even saw the horses in the field, they were so cute); and right across the street there was hay for sale, very convenient.

-          I saw a pasture full of bunnies and chickens.  I am not sure if it was a chicken farm or a bunny farm, but I thought it was very interesting.  I’ve never seen bunnies in a pasture.  Now I have.

-          There was some big fruit stand that advertised it was the “Home of the Ferris Berry.”  Whatever that is.  It was closed so now I’ll never know.

-          We passed the Big Fish Bait and General Store.  As you may have guessed, it had a big fish on its sign.  I guess if you are a bait shop the best name for your business would be Big Fish.  Kinda makes people want to buy your bait right off the bat!

-          There was a quaint little courthouse right in the middle of town.  I love these kind.  It just makes me feel like this would be a neat town to live in.  They cherish their history.

-          There was a sign for a mom and pop diner that had a metal couple sitting at a table with a yellow flashing light on it.  I always associate a yellow flashing light with caution, which may not be a good thing for a restaurant.  I am not really sure this sign was a good choice for promoting their business.  But who knows maybe around there it means something different.

-          Apparently the cemetery monument business is big around those parts, because there were two of them right next to each other.  I don’t know what it is, but seeing these places on the side of the road gives me the creeps.  I know they are just samples but its strange just seeing these monuments all together when they aren’t in a cemetery.  I guess it’s just me.

-          I saw, what I think, is the best example of marketing ever.  There was an Outback Steakhouse by the highway.  Behind it was a business park.  Ingeniously, they named the business park, Inback Business Park.  So the sign read – Outback Steakhouse and below that Inback Business Park.  I don’t know about anybody else, but I think that was pretty smart!  Outback, Inback!

Anyway, that is pretty much it.  Well, at least everything I am allowed to tell.  Ha!  I hope you can get out and experience the fun of a road trip every now and then.  When you do, take a look around, you may be amazed at what you see.

Here is my look back at the first 7 days of the Olympics (opening through Thursday).  These are my observations on what I have seen so far:

-          Opening ceremonies – WOW!  Unbelievable show.  Of course there is some “controversy” about a few things.  The footprint fireworks were digital and not real, but when I was watching I heard the commentators say they were digitally enhanced, so what.  I think the worst one is the little girl that lip synced the song.  Not because she wasn’t singing live, that happens all the time at these types of events.  I think the worst part is the reason she was doing it.  Because the girl who actually sang the song was deemed not to be cute enough for national tv.  Come on!  Other than that I would have to say that that ceremony will be very hard to top.  But I was a little freaked out by those drummers in the beginning.  They looked like an army in the making!

-          Venues- all the venues are just amazing.  I have yet to see anything wrong with any of the sites that competitions are being held at.  I still think the “Birds Nest” as they are calling it, is strange looking, but it is an amazing venue.

-          Gymnastics – let’s hear it for the USA!  First the men who were given little hope of getting a metal pull off a bronze in the team.  They overcome injuries to their two seasoned members, a lackluster qualifying round and pull off third with an all rookie team, that’s amazing.  Second the women’s team gets silver against a strong Chinese team even though they were the gold favorites is still a great feat.  Okay so half the Chinese team is probably under age, still they did perform on the big stage and did so flawlessly, you have to give them that.  The Americans had their troubles in the end but still held on for silver.  But they showed their true talent in the individual all around capturing the gold and silver.  Way to go ladies.

-          Diving – let’s face it the Chinese just dominate this sport.  I was watching the synchronized diving.  Unbelievable.  These Chinese divers look like twins separated at birth!  It is amazing what they can do coming off those diving boards.  The USA has a long way to go to get back into the medals in this sport.

-          Swimming – USA is dominating this one.  Phelps is just indescribable.  He looks like he is just out for a daily swim not a competition.  Even the race he only won by a blink of an eye he looked like he could go and do it again right away.  The other American swimmers have had mixed success in their individual races, but have almost always been in contention.  Torres is just unbelievable; she is so inspiring to women of all ages.  Basically the Chinese may rule the diving side of the venue, but we rule the pool!

-          Beach Volleyball – girls rule!  The American women are ruling the sands.  The men are doing well, but the women just seem to be dominating the sand.  They seem to be having more fun while they are playing and I think that is making a difference.  I enjoy watching them play.  Go girls!

-          Badminton – I watched a game the other day and let me tell you, this is not the game I played in the backyard as a kid.  It was unbelievable.  They have names for the type of shots they are hitting and man do they hit it hard! 

I have seen some strange things so far:

-          During the men’s road cycling event, the story they did on the Starbucks at the Great Wall.  Who knew?  Those things are everywhere. 

-          During the medal ceremony for one of the wrestling matches, the hissy fit the Swedish bronze medalist threw.  Now aren’t we adults here.  Come on.  You are on national tv and you did just win an Olympic medal.  If you don’t want it, I’m sure the guy you beat does.

-          Synchronized swimming – saw a little bit of this and while I will say that this is very hard and I don’t mean to take anything away from this sport, something about it just reminds me of a late night tv sketch.  You know they guy couldn’t swim so he had to wear a life vest.  Does anyone know the one I am talking about? 

-          The best has to be the “official” bug guy at the beach volleyball games though.  To think that they have to have a guy in charge of going onto the sand and capturing the bugs that fly or crawl onto the field of play.  I don’t think I want to see what kind of bugs those are.  Want to bet they wind up on the menu outside the stadium.

The commentators during the events have not been too bad so far.  But there are always a few that just either get on your nerves or just say the stupidest things.  Here are a few of my favorite things so far:

-           Some of the other NBC channels have been showing the coverage live from China, but have had the commentators in New York.  It has worked pretty well so far.  But, I have to wonder, was NBC to cheap to pop for the extra airfare, or are these just their B list guys?

-          So far the stupidest thing I have heard was during the badminton game I was watching the commentator said this – “that shot landed like a butterfly with sore feet.”  What?!?!  Maybe it means something to people who play badminton.

-          The second stupidest thing I have heard was when two Chinese team members were playing each other in a gold medal match.  At the end of the match, the commentator (who is in New York) is yelling rather excitedly – “and China wins the Gold, China wins the Gold medal!”  Well, duh!  It was China vs. China.  Who do you think was going to win the Gold? 

There you have it, my week one wrap up.  So, what have you seen during this week one?

Have you ever had your hearing checked?  Well last year I did and for me this was a very stressful experience.  In the first place, I had not gone to the ENT for my hearing, it was because I was having horrible dizzy spells, which turned out to be a form of vertigo.  But, as part of the “diagnostic exercise” they ran me through all kinds of standard tests including a hearing test.

At first I thought, not a problem, I’ve done this before in elementary school.  I remember it well.  We had to wear headphones and raise our hand when we hear the tone in that ear.  No sweat.  Ha!  The first thing they did was put me in this soundproof booth. I felt like I was on some sort of game show.  Then the guy gave me a little button and put headphones on me and said when you hear the tone push the button.  Sounds really simple so far right?  Well, when I first started this blog I mentioned how easily I get distracted.  I’ve never been diagnosed but I think (and probably some of my friends would agree) that I have a touch of ADD, though I usually do a pretty good job of hiding it from most people.  Well, I’m really about to let the proverbial cat out of the bag.  Hold on because it is about to get really interesting.

As I sat waiting for the test to start, I noticed a poster on the wall with all types of cute little animals on it.  So of course, now I am thinking, “Why is this in here?”  Oh wait, I am supposed to be listening for the tone to start.  Was that the tone?  Did I just hear the tone start or did I just think I heard it?  No, yes.  Yes, that is the tone, so I push the button.  Tone stops release the button.  I tell myself, ignore the poster, focus on the tone.  I try and focus and the test goes on.  Now the guys says, “I will now start the tone and you hold the button down until you no longer hear the tone.”  Okay, concentrate.  Pushing the button, doing really good on this one.  Okay tone is ending, release the button now, no wait it’s still going not yet, push button again, still going, stop, no wait.  Yes now, now it has really stopped.  Man this is really hard.  I’m still wondering why this poster is on the wall, I’m so distracted by it.  It’s so cute and I don’t understand why it is here.  Now I have to repeat words back to him that he is saying to me.  I’m thinking to myself, great by now he either thinks I’m deaf or an idiot, how much worse can I do.

Well to my amazement I actually passed with flying colors – I am pretty sure God had a hand in that.  I mean I knew going in there was nothing wrong with my hearing, my attention span on the other hand.  I am still trying to figure out why they have that poster on the wall in that booth though.  If anyone knows and can tell me that would really put my mind at ease.

Have you heard the story about the New Zealand girl who wanted to change her name?  The court actually ruled that her given name constituted child abuse and made her a ward of the court.  Her given name – Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii.  Honest that was her name.  Can you imagine parents naming their child that?  Can you imagine the poor child having to write that on a test paper, or worse on their underwear for camp!  The 9 year old apparently never told her friends her real name (I can’t imagine why) she told them her name was “K.”  Reminds me of “Men in Black.”

Sometimes I wonder if parents really think about their child when they name them.  This child has to live with this name their entire life.  Kids in school these days are so much meaner than when I went to school.  I can’t imagine the teasing some of these poor kids are going to get as they grow up.  Some of these celebrities name their kids the strangest things like Apple and Suri, but this is nothing new.  Anyone remember Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa?  But you kind of expect that from “celebrity” types.  But the common everyday person naming their kid these strange names is just sad.  Believe me working in insurance I have seen some very interesting combinations of names.  I absolutely would have changed my name if I were some of these people.

But the other day I read this article about people who wanted to change their normal names to strange names.  The courts had denied their requests because the things they wanted were either too controversial or would cause too much confusion.  One guy wanted to change his name to a number another wanted to change his name to Santa Claus.  These people voluntarily wanted to change their perfectly good names to something strange.  I couldn’t help but think of those poor kids out there like Talula that didn’t ask for them.  Maybe one of these people could have her name now since she doesn’t want it anymore.

The countdown is at zero.  The Olympics begin tonight with the opening ceremonies.  All the pageantry and all the flash in a show that seems to go on for 15 hours.  I think it is neat to watch the opening ceremonies when the Olympics are held in a foreign country.  There are so many strange things that happen, and the commentators are stuck trying to explain them to those of us at home.  Add that to the extra air time they have to fill before the thing actually starts and it makes the show feel a lot longer than it actually is.  One of my favorite parts is when all the athletes come in.  You get to see what new countries have been created since the last Olympics.  Honestly, this is the only time you get to see some of these people so I think that is pretty cool.

I know that this Olympics has its problems.  Besides China’s history of human rights violations, you have problems with some venues.  Did you see that story about the algae on the yacht racing course?  They have the big problem with the air quality.  Have you seen the pictures of that smog?  They have nothing on LA.  The censorship the press could deal with may be pretty interesting as time goes on.  Plus, everything takes place in a stadium that I think looks like a rubber band ball cut in half. 

But it’s really about the competition and not the country or the venues.  There are lots of interesting athletic story lines already primed and ready for us to be intrigued by.  Competition has already started for some of the elimination round sports, and everything is as ready as it is going to get at this point.  This should be one of the most interesting Olympics in years. 

My dvr is set – let the games begin.  Go USA!

Yes, it’s time for another episode of Stupidest Things Ever…

Stupid signs/newspaper headlines:

1.  Afterwards, the Bishop walked among the crowds, eating their picnic lunches.

                        Why couldn’t he have brought his own lunch?

1. Please use thongs while buying bread.
2. Please use tongues to pick up cookies, not your hands.

                        All I can say is I’m not shopping in either of these places!  Oh and they really need a proofreader!

Stupid instructions/manuals:

1. Driver safety bulletin:   Problem: backing vehicles are responsible for a very large number of accidents… Prevention:  the easiest way to prevent backing accidents is to avoid backing up

                        Man, why didn’t I think of that!

1. Label on a flashing magnetic light:  Magnetic Light – flashes Red and Red!

                        Choices, choices- whichever will I choose?

Stupid quotes/customers:

1.    When you are talking about me, keep your mouth shut.  Mayor of Toronto

                        I guess things really are different in Canada

2.    Q: Do you not recall the exact distance?

A: That he was from me? Or that I was from him?       Actual courtroom testimony

                        I hope this wasn’t their expert witness

3.    Man:  Is it possible to see England from Canada?

Travel Agent: No.

Man:  But they look so close on the map.        Conversation at a travel agency

            I really hope this guy has a travel buddy!

Hope you have a great day!

As I was flipping the channels the other night trying to find something to watch, I came across the strangest thing I have ever seen in my life.  It was some type of game show where these C and D-list celebrities were “betting” on whether or not the contestant would succeed or fail at a “stunt.”  What was the particular “stunt” that I came across?  This guy said he could tell you the artist and name of a cd just by licking it!  Okay, yuck to begin with, but my next reaction was no-way.  So, of course I watched, because now they have sucked me into their web and I must see what happens.

They blindfold the guy and hand him these cds at random.  He takes them out of the case and then licks them.  He is actually licking the cds on national television.  I watch in amazement and disgust as he gets 4 out of the 5 correct.  Is this talent?  I’m not sure, but strange yes.  Here is the thing:

1.     How do you discover you can do such a thing?

2.    Why would you go on national tv and show this to the world?

I am not sure if he won anything or not, because I turned the channel after I saw this.  I’m sure there was something in it for him; I just couldn’t’ watch anymore of the show.  Basically, now I have seen everything I think reality tv can offer.  A man who licks cds; my life is complete.

Any thoughts?

The other day I was making some calls for my mother and during one of them I inadvertently dialed the wrong number.  Has this ever happened to you?  I was calling to check on the price of a 3-in-1 commode (here after referred to as the “potty chair”).  I meant to call the local pharmacy that also sells medical equipment, to get a price on a potty chair.  I happen to know a couple of the people that work there very well so I was expecting to hear a familiar voice on the other end of the phone.  I was somewhat lost in my work and I was rather startled when I hear the voice on the other end say “thanks for calling (local pizza joint name) how can I help you?”

As you can imagine there was a brief moment of silence on my part as I realized that this was not who I wanted, and that they could not give me a price for a potty chair.  I politely said “sorry, I dialed the wrong number.” They politely said “no problem, have a good day” and hung up.  I hung up the phone and began to laugh out loud and mutter to myself how that would be the strangest place to get a potty chair.  This of course got the attention of my co-worker who was now sure I had gone off the deep end.  I told her of the miss-dialed call and we both now were laughing about it. 

Now, I must say here that when I looked up the number in my contacts, both phone numbers are right next to each other and both have the same beginning number.  So, it is not as if I am a complete dummy with reading numbers.  That is what I do all day long.  But I had to wonder what would have happened if I had not realized I had the wrong number and had asked the lady when she answered the phone, “how much are your potty chairs?”  Wouldn’t it have been even funnier if I had gotten an answer like, “today we have a special, a large pepperoni pizza and a potty chair for only $14.95.”  Sold!

So have you ever called the wrong number?  What is the most bizarre wrong number you have ever called?  Or, what is the most bizarre wrong number call you have ever received?